i’m just saying.

paul

Also, I must say that “I want to get food but no money (realistic)” from one of the post-tour dreams is a poem unto itself.

PAGE 1

Date: 1/11/00
Place: The White Spot
Weather: Border Patrol Blue

Sitting lotus position bum posture loitering
when comes by white hair, opens
to enter. Stops as if to
almost mention something, for
instance, where he has buried
my American Dream in his
satin and -
inside, butterscotch martini’s
too extravagant, breakfast of
champions

*napkins on laps
*can’t drive in parking lots
*poems for the President

What does the early worm get?

PAGE 2

cell is imagination -> thoughts before
thoughts, rolodex building
blocks, subconscious
clothes hungout to
dry, traffic trying
to build “thought” to
be possibly selected
for use, or to either
be deleted.

[PAGE 2/3 are drawings with some callouts that wouldn't make sense]

PAGE 4

[DRAWING OF MAGNETIC GLOBE PRODUCT I INVENTED]

Some held by other
type of magnet
(oil and water pick non-soluble)
liquid fat with water
phospho lipid bilayer
origin of life
origin of thought
“Metro.Dome”
e.e. cumming’s parentheses
describe seeing a thought as mass produced
level of creation,
lego set built on polaroids

KNOW Metrodome can be well advertised.

Magnets: amino acid building blocks
Electricity, etc (material world, gravel)
Inside: soul (inner magnet)
god (“)
Atman Brahman -> union
created body outisde

*Not saying this to be enlightened (use this in
a court of law (jake/josh) – document that proves union

or maybe no inner soul
just god inside mixing,
churning
soul is one color building block
magnet inside

mixed with magnet material world
mixture of soul/material outside
god as liquid magnet
teats

union with the divine
inversion of raquetball
in on itself to consume
into nothing-burst
like a water bubble in swimming
pool shallow end trunks
full of air bursts
at surface lotus

Perpendicular japanese characters. Cursive landon.
Emphasis of metrodome for landon.

[if it's not abundantly clear, I wrote this stuff the first time I got REALLY HIGH]

PAGE 5

Poetry is leaving booby traps for waking mind
to see state of surreal world.
Poetry is war.

Metro.home: art piece/tory
with religious implications
written about manifesto as
advertisement. exploit. my.own.religion.
to make a dollar.
Funny now.
First revelation, my religion exploits my religion
to show that exploitation of religion can
be a religion (absurd generation)
toy = wwjd bracelet
like love the ability to laugh at self
never held the metro.gnome

PAGE 6

Through detonation => an epiphany
during the night? Moonshine? Partly lunar?
Sunny = moony?

It’s very sunny out?
“” “” moony out?

No. But this is my level. What’s incorrect,
tossed aside grammar
destruction of thought
is creation of new thoughts to take place
Wyclef singing my poem

Darla Me***, seal on clarinet,
light surrounding eyes
like beast master eagle
little girl never grew up
never loved (by me, by anyone) [Darla was a girl who died in 8th grade]

PAGE 7

I chose this thought to arise? No.
No free will. Thoughts random, dictated
by flow of God magnet designating change
in realm of time (slow, by our awareness)

Three cookie monsters
white sunglasses
on an olympic stamp

The words, “Words cannot describe”
cannot describe what words cannot
describe.

PAGE 8

The girls you love are the pink dress kaitlin fickle
god beyond gods that hold
the metronome in the palm of their hands
twinkle like cartoon teeth smile
- british voices talking, laughing, clapping in a theatre

Magic carpet + elephants with buddhas’ on back
Kate as 1940′s woman white dress
umbrella in a submarine

double entendre: cover of this book [My Trip]

New bag of groceries from car at night.

#########################################

1/22/01
Dream. As if on tour to North again; stayed in Mexican/japanese
tenant house and practiced free jam as old people shared bed
willy wonka style. Frustrated with landon who considered our playing
‘boring’ because he could not wank. [HAHHAHAHAHHA] Felt uncontrolled
irrational anger but he remains stoic, unphased – I liked free jam because I
could pick what I wanted to play on guitar and out came what was in my head.

Ryan bought us 58oz of beer and so party Portland. Someone gives landon meal worms
to eat, which he does nonchalantly. What is strange is I can imagine what is
in his mouth and feel their wriggling, bitter taste. I try with all my might to chew
(because now meal worms are actually in my mouth, I’ve managed to manifest them).
Chew, then get sick, so barf all over front lawn neon and grey cakes of misery
and movement. Seeing them continue to writhe makes me sicker.

Image of Robin Williams as frog prince strong here.

Wash away my barf with hose even though raining in Portland. Three men in
drag walk by and look at me in disgust.

Tom tells me that Diana has committed “violence in the community”
so we walk to Burger King (seems like a fair). He’s up ahead of me,
goes second story. I want to get food but no money (realistic).
Later see Casey Gallagher standing in line, wave only he is bum rushed
by Arcata petitioners who want to sit on the plaza.

2/23/01
Earlier this week had a dream where I was dressed up as a reindeer in the back
of a car trying to get through customs.

Also, another dream that I’m in a band called the “Ecclesiastes Kittens” – a pop
band with keyboards. I ended up in a place buying videogames and there
are bongo drums playing outside. Lily gets angry about it and yells: “Hey, anyone
want to go to Kill Rock Starssss” and the drummers all stop as if “bummer dude….”.
Start laughing and wake up.

#############################################

The next entry is Sept 10, 2001 after I stayed the night at Kate W’s house

5:55 a.m.
freeway becomes silent
kate, one arm loosely over stomach clutching
blanket to side, other arm over chest
as if shocked
heart beats

husband first headed downstairs flipping on light switches –
baseball bat in other – and woman, following,
afraid, keeping loosely together,
bathrobe.

Sept 12th, 2001

“ALL THE THINGS ON YOUR MIND ON THE 10th ARE STILL THERE”

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