The Story Of My Fucking Life


Posted by ilbebe on February 3, 2009

A partial list of the people still living I want to get drunk and/or high with:

Dustin Hoffman
Bill Murray
Danny DeVito
Sean Connery
Michael Irvin
Dr. J
Sean Astin, but if he starts talking about Rudy, I might have to bail out.
Eddie the Eagle, that crazy British ski jumper from the ‘88 Olympics
The dude who invented the Snuggie
The dude who invented the Pet Rock
NOT the guy who invented the Segway
Joe Millionaire
Alex Trebek
The RonCo guy
Anthony Bourdain. This guy ought to have to come to mind sooner.
Jeff Bennett, as soon as I have money to visit Oz.
The guy who owns the Time Traveler in Arcata
Thomas Kincaid, so I can beat him up
Matthew Lesko, but I suspect he gets high solely on life
McCoy Tyner
David Lee Roth
T. Great Razooly
Steven Seagal
Matt Sharp, the original bass player for Weezer and founder of the Rentals
Shane MacGowan
The chick bass player from White Zombie
Barbara Walters
The guy who does the voice of Homer Simpson
Leonard Nimoy
William Shatner
George Takei
Robin Williams, he’s bound to fall off the wagon again soon.
Mr. Blasi, my wacky high-school Chemistry teacher
Mrs. Phillips (no relation), my awesome high school history teacher
Mr. Dodson, my awesome high school health teacher and cross-country coach.
Mr. Vargen, my high-school video production teacher, in 1982. (There’s this fucking awesome picture of him from 1982 wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates hat and looking really tough)
The cop who, while releasing my recovered car to me last September, recommended the new Metallica album to me.
Conan O’Brien
Dennis Richmond, the recently retired channel 2 news anchor, whom a friend told me they had heard he was a total asshole
Joe Biden, that’s gotta be interesting
Meaty, Rob and Big’s dog
Miss Manners

The two dead people who I most strongly would want to get as fucked up as possible and hang out with:
Rodney Dangerfield
Sammy Davis, Junior

Famous person I most strongly want to take mushrooms with and have sex with for hours:
Winona Ryder


2 Responses to “Forty-four”

  1. bizzy said

    needless to say i am honored and blessed…and i am down to get fucked up beyond repair…like i did last saturday when i went on a tear and tried to drink everything i could get my hands on…scotch beer and wine? all in one glass? throw in some codeine? why the fuck not…tripping over my 6ft guitar cable while trying to play some high on fire…fucking done!

    getting up the next day to drive, still drunk as all fuck, to go play baseball and making sweet play after sweet play…then getting the only rbi for my team on the purest piece of sacrifice fly you have ever seen…not a problem for this guy


  2. bizzy said

    what about gary busey (sp) that guy would be mad as fuck to get loaded with…i’d give that fucker a bottle of old crow and a fucking turntable…brother would turn the world on its head that night.

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