The Story Of My Fucking Life


Posted by ilbebe on December 31, 2011

This you already know: I am using words to try and tell you something. Since we are not physically together now, that is all I can do. I could call, but do I know your number? Do I know who you are?

I used to fear you. You were my fear. You were the potential of failure, and for years I did not pursue my art because of the threat I perceived from you. I realize now I was grossly mistaken. The fear is not real. You are not the fear. I should have asked you sooner. Perhaps you could have tried harder to tell me, but all change must essentially come from within. I do not begrudge you this fact. I hope we can make up for lost time, but I am extremely hopeful this can be done, because there is no such thing as lost time.

The only way it would be possible to lose time is if it existed at all. But it does not. As we mark the passage of time, we do because that is how we were instructed to mark the passing of our lives and our course through this world, which we share. I am so glad you are here. You will be hearing more from me as the next year unfolds, but please do not think for a moment that I am not available for listening. Everyone has their own story to tell, and I have identified that my dedication to everyone’s right to the freewill to conduct their life as they see fit is the central passion of my life, from which all of my other passions must flow.

I will use words, as I have done in the past. Perhaps I will acquire new skills, start a band again. I am not worried. I am done using reductive, divisive language. I apologize that I have used the wrong words in the past, and I am sorry that I did not correct my path earlier. But that is okay. It is okay with me, and I hope it okay with you.

This is the last confession I have to make about this year, 2011: It has been good.

It has been the best one yet, because it has not quite ended yet.

And next year, oh boy.

Next year will be even better.

Further, there are many more years to come, and Hot Dawg! If I’m not damn pleased to spend them with you.

I love you, and I wish you a happy and healthy new year. I wish you all the abundance you need, or even just want.

I am doing good, and you can do even better.

I believe in you.

I will be there for you to support you and care for you and provide as much as I can spare.

I’ve got more and more to spare with each of these words.



-Saturday, December 31, 2011, 7:03AM, home, looking to the future with eyes wide open and smiling—waiting until I can see you again…


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