The Story Of My Fucking Life


Posted by ilbebe on February 7, 2012

Look here, Luke. Poor visualization forfeits getting on like brothers with fiends. So please stay dedicated, be brave, lose control, make choices by choosing sure shots.

If yr moving westward a pie up Golden Gate avenue against the flow of vehicle traffic, the above mnemonic should help you remember the progression of north-south running streets between the Civic Center BART/MUNI station and the USF Ulrich Field & Benedetti Diamond at the corner of Golden Gate and Masonic. Then, when I advise you to make choices, that is where the mnemonic continues to be helpful if you proceed south on Masonic eight blocks down to Haight, and then further west down Haight to edge of Golden Gate Park at Haight and Stanyan. Trust me, Haight Street is a drag, but it’s more preferable to me than hanging with the new Bill Russell, whoever that is. Jesuits or Dominicans in SF just seem second-place, and being a big black celtic…well, lightning strikes twice all the time. Just think Caddyshack and the Great Outdoors.

But ANYWAY, I promised you an east-west street mnemonic, so here it is. If, after getting off of a train at Civic Center Station, you instead decide to walk up Market Street one or two blocks southwest to Larkin Street and then head north through the Tenderloin and then over Russian Hill all the way to the water near the SF Maritime National Historical Park Hyde Street Pier (what a fuckin’ mouthful. jeez.), this mnemonic should be of use.

Hey, Good Fellow! My GrandGuru, The Elderly Eccentric Of Galway, Placed Some Butter Pieces Crossways So Carrots Will Join Pioneering Bands Very Gently Under Full Government License. Consider Fighting Back. NoProb, Beavis.

If you make it to the curlew cove and crave a refreshing beverage, and yr a fuckin’ tourist, take a right on Beavis Beach and walk one block over to the corner of Hyde and Beach and get yrself an Irish Coffee at the Buena Vista. Then throw something small and harmless at Tiernan’s across the street. That place sucks. Up the boards, navigator!!

Shifting gears, like a cable car, today is now February 7th, 2012. There are several milestones to take note of today.

Happy Birthday, Garrett, and congratulations on your new job! Garrett is starting his dream job today, his thirty-first birthday. Best of luck, and seriously, considering putting nose plugs in.

Dan steamrolled the first of what are sure to be many future court dates regarding custody of his son, who is forty-five days old today. Happy forty-fifth, baby! And stay strong and steady, Dan. The courts are on your side.

Tackey is in an interview with some people that want to her to help people. This, I feel, is a much nobler aim than helping businesses, especially those hiding behind the shelter of non-people. Three-fifths? More like no fifts, or as many fifths as you can stuff into yr pockets before you go wait in the breadline. I wish you dissolution, and a new peace. As for Tackey, this new gig could give her a new view on the Lakeshore, and I would love it if she had cause to come to Oakland more often. I swear, it’s for lovers. Look at the big wet crooked heart across from Kaiser Plaza.

It’s also the fifth anniversary of me asking for help in a real and immediate way for the first time.

I’ve gotten all the help I need now, and now I’m here to give it back.

Ask me anything.

If I don’t already know, I’ll find an answer acceptable to all of us.

There is always a return from eighty-six.


-1:59PM, 2/7/12, home, ready to start another controlled burn…


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