The Story Of My Fucking Life

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Ninety-four: In Offense of Nothing

Posted by ilbebe on February 23, 2012

Emergency Bulletin: Dogfight Dreams For Basic Sentient Motives Keenly Given Steady Presence. Mr. Thames Just Leaving His Last Place, Vamoose!

Why Not? would be a cheeky way of putting it, so let’s not start there. Instead, let’s just ask ourselves what’s wrong with standing around downtown when you have the day off?

And seriously, if you’ve had the last five hundred days off, why not just fuckin’ sleep downtown as well. Who ya hurtin’? No one, that’s who. For the love of God, this Lenten season, let us lead ourselves down a path of introspection, the end of which we shall arrive at on April Fool’s Day. Take that as a sign. Let’s stop taking ourselves so seriously, and stop trying to tell other people what and what not to do, as long as whatever they are or aren’t doing isn’t fucking hurting or bugging anyone. I understand that blocking the port is one thing, but fucking sitting around in a public plaza on a sunny winter’s day in the year of the Dragon should not be bothering anyone. Grow a sense of humor, gente.

Yesterday, I went to Ash Wednesday morning mass at the cathedral of St. Ignatius on the USF campus. It was lovely. I was with my ex-girlfriend-now-good-friend B, and the service was great. It was relatively brief, compared to the marathon High Holy Days services that have comprised most of my experiences with organized religion over the last ten years, and hot shit that was a pleasant surprise. The Padre had a sense of humor, best exemplified by when he said “If you feel like you don’t need to change, then you can leave, Get out of here! You’re perfect, and you’re sadly deluded, but anyway…” Hot damn that was heartwarming. And above all, my strongest beef with organized Western religion in general and Catholicism in particular is that I just wish they’d accentuate the positive more. Such a beautiful tradition of faith, and culture, and community, and yet they ride the guilt and sad shit so hard. Why? Why why why why why.

But yesterday, it was all positive. The message the Padre shared with us was See this period of Lenten as an opportunity to consider desire, temptation, and self-denial as means to a more whole self; a more ethical member of the community of all humankind.

Something I’ve been repeating a lot since Christmas is the old proverb A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats. And man, if a Jesuit priest could warm my heart with a guilt-free message of acceptance and honest love, then clearly things are headed skyward. Not heavenward, but closer to space right in front of our eyes, and right behind them– the place we know each other, and don’t feel so alone. The place we feel safe and loved.

The place we long to be,

and already are-

if we choose to be…


-6:54PM 2/23/12, home, using my roommate’s laptop, listening to spanish guitar on the radio, happy


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