The Story Of My Fucking Life


Posted by ilbebe on April 12, 2012

So in response to a rather trenchant article my ex B posted this morning, I wrote the following response:

Yup. Two days in a row I have spent the last dollar in my wallet on booze. A social few at the bar and then a pint of Ancient Age. Last night I was feeling “lazy” and didn’t want to walk the extra ten blocks each way from where I was in downtown Oakland to a liquor store that sells the AA pints for five bucks, so I coughed up the “spare”  two quarters, two nickels, and four dimes I had in my pocket on top of the five that was my sole remaining paper money at a more proximate retail establishment. I figure that this essentially amounted to paying a trivial and self-imposed “luxury tax” on the pint, for the convenience of saving myself the walk. But why? Is my time still valuable? It would seem not, going into my nineteenth month of unemployment. And you know, I spent most of last year wondering whether I was worthless or not, and it sucked. But amen. FUCK IT. Well put, B.

You can find Britney’s article here:

ARE YOU READY FOR THE COLBERT BUMP, BRITNEY?? Well, I apologize, but I can’t give that to you; only Colbert can. Perhaps he someday will! I can only give you the ilbebe bump, but the way that phrase sorta sounds like “baby bump”, could work in conjunction with our culture’s obsession with celebrity pregnancy gossip, I could see it actually catching on, YOLO-style. BOO-YAH. I just put so many excellent searchable terms into that paragraph just to troll for cheap page views. At last, selling out, and for free no less. GENIUS AT WORK ALERT!

I hate myself. Oh, no, wait. I used to. Now I don’t. Not anymore.

You think life is bullshit? Try adopting my philosophy: So what if it is? FUCK IT. You’ll be astonished how much better your life gets after shifting your outlook closer to being in accordance with my view, and how much more enjoyable every little thing becomes as well.

This leads me to what I really want to talk about: The bizarre ways we are desensitized to real tragedy in these modern times. For example, forgive me if I sound like a jerk for saying this, but somewhere in the world, right now, somewhere in the world, there’s probably an emaciated kid dying of hunger or thirst. No matter what you think of both governmental and non-governmental efforts to eradicate problems like world hunger over the past century, no matter how skeptical you are when you see feed the children commercials when yr sad late at night and feeling like a hater, and you think, Pffff, I Bet They Spend All That Money On Themselves, so what if they do? Maybe they don’t! Would it really kill you, if you had five bucks to spare, to give it to someone who at least says they’re trying to do good things, even if maybe they’re not going to follow through?

On the flipside, shit.  It’s been two months now, and people are still crying over Whitney Houston. And I’m sure some people took ten bucks they could have given to a County Food Bank and bought a souvenir hat from some dude on Mission because “It’s hilarious.” Is it really? Maybe it is. FUCK IT.

The message, I hope, is clear. FUCK IT!! That is not meant to be construed as a negative stance. It is just a way of looking at things that makes me laugh more often and let go of petty bullshit quite a bit more easily than I did when I was all high-strung and hung up on what other people were “doing to piss me off”. FUCK THAT.

Ecstatic Peace!

-7:47PM 4/12/12 – home, on the couch, Wheel of Fortune (Why not? FFUUCCKK IITT!!), collecting coincidences like small change and changing small things into massive ones…


One Response to “One-oh-eight”

  1. Alright an ilbebe bump! Until Colbert catches wind of my rise to fame, this is going to have to do for now, ha! But seriously, I’m grateful for the acknowledgement and glad you took so much from it. PS. use them searchable ass terms, I tag shit all the time and I am positive that it gets me at least 50% of my page views. Fuck it!

    It’s a funny thing how people react to things. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective and circumstance. Uh-oh Wheel of Fortune, yeah, I’ll admit Meaghan and I have been letting it ride after 7:30 sometimes.

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