Americaphiles

The Story Of My Fucking Life

One-seventeen: Tour Diary volume two

Posted by ilbebe on May 30, 2012

[At this point, I start labeling Ryan “R”, Garrett “G”, and Owen “O”. Also, the careful reader who reads between the lines will gather that we had no show scheduled for this day. Why we couldn’t find a show in a college town on a Friday night, the weekend students are returning from winter break, I don’t know. At the time, I didn’t ask any questions, because by day 2, I’d already surmised that I was not going to get an answer that was either satisfactory or even relevant to any query I had, no matter how simple. I chose to focus on the small differences between Oregon and Arcata. Enjoy.]

Friday, January 5, 2001. Met Tig’s roommate Matt last night after writing. He works in an organic juice factory. [Even as a second-year HSU student, I found this almost comically idealistic. It was so tempting to ask him if that biographical tidbit got him laid or what.] I told him many very, very stupid stories about microwaves and Costco, some of which were made up. Then G and I walked to 7-11; most impressive hesher van I’ve ever seen parked outside. Once inside, we instantly assess that the van belongs to the clerk, a dude actively headbanging when we walked in. I had a “pepperoni meal stick” w/”PEP” stamped on it, G gets nachos with extra cheese and jalapenos. These failed to quell the upset stomachs which propelled us to 7-11 in the first place. 7 people in a normal-size cab pull in as we’re leaving. Walked back to Tig’s, bed around 3.

[I later discovered that 7-11 cashier was the singer of a metal band called Fuck God In The Face.]

Got up at noon today, went downtown to find all-you-can-eat Indian buffet, but there’s a sign in the window “Closed for one manth[sic]”. Went to pizza place instead, three slices and a soda for $2.50. Wow. Went to gas station and did not pump our gas. Record store, I bought “Beatles on Hammered Dulcimer” for a buck, R bought weird German band. NO SALES TAX! [Remember, not only was this the first time I’d been to Oregon, I am also very cheap.] Also: You can only buy liquor at state liquor stores, which close at 8. And you can smoke in bars. I picked up a voter registration card at a hardware store.

Back at Tig’s, we recorded our set onto 4-track for a new demo, sounded pretty good. R did interminable overdubs. [If you knew R, you would understand that this detail is hardly worth mentioning. Of course he did interminable overdubs.] A guy named Corey (?) and I exchanged scar/cutting stories while R droned on and on. Ryan, do you see the effect this overdubbing has on anyone within earshot? STORIES OF PAIN! Me, R, G, and Tig hit a burrito place for dinner. Good. Went to O’s folks’ place. [O’s folks had moved to Eugene a year earlier.  K and K2 coming along on the trip so that they could spend time with the folks lends a whole element of rationality to their presence that pains me to mention, but, you know, full disclosure.] His Grandpa tried to take G’s hat. [My grandpa, a few years earlier, had tried to take G’s necktie at our high school graduation. Coincidence?]

I’m listening to a terrible comedian on TV right now. [GOD I wish I had the name of whoever that comedian was.]

The 5 of us [band plus Tig] headed to Emily’s [old pal of theirs], hung around for a while, good stories, good times. Drank absinthe and beer. Tig’s comment on absinthe: “It’s green, like nature.” My comment: “It’s gross.” We walked downtown, G and I head to IHOP, the others to a bar called John Henry’s. I complain about Kaydee a bit. G pens the line: “IHOP and life to go”. We go home, rest of night uneventful. Buenos noches.

Key quotes: “What does our music sound like? What music made by guys with six-inch penises should sound like.” -R

On young people in love: “Yeah, they’re just so happy, and I just want to walk up to them and say ‘In six months, you’re going to be so miserable.'”-O

“You should try radiation.” -Tig

[The preceding quotes are not meant to be construed as a conversation, rather a sampling of the day’s pearls of wisdom.]

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