The Story Of My Fucking Life


Posted by ilbebe on June 11, 2012

It was a drunken night in Arcata, circa 2002 or maybe 2003. Josh and I had moseyed back to my place, where we were going to watch the Royal Tenenbaums. En route, we had started talking about In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, my favorite album.

“You know it’s about Helen Keller,” he stated.


He nodded sagely. “Yeah, you know ‘Holland, 1945’?”

“Uh, yeah, but wasn’t Helen Keller American?”

“Nope. Killed by the Nazis.”

We both fell asleep on the living room floor with the Royal Tenenbaums DVD stuck in an infinite loop on the title menu screen. I woke up in the middle of the night, turned off the TV, and fell asleep back on the floor where I was. Josh was asleep sitting up in a chair. In the morning he was gone. Arcata times. The next time I saw Josh, he said “Hey, you know what I was saying the other night about Neutral Milk Hotel and Helen Keller? I meant Anne Frank.” I told him Yeah, That Makes A Lot More Sense.

If you feel the reckless amounts of pain this world dishes out to both the deserving and the un- is too much, so much that yr life would be better lived outside your own body and observed from afar (…a star/that’s right above from where you are…), feel it, feel the fuck out of that feeling. There you are.

Do stars look better from Earth than the Earth does from the heavens? Doesn’t matter. Few of us will ever get the chance to see our world from outer space, so I think our time is better spent appreciating the view from down here, the view from within ourselves. The view that allows in our friends, and the amusing misstatements they sometimes make, and the love we share. Fuck a star, dead space shit. Earth is where it’s at. Yr heart is of this Earth.

Yr heart is this Earth. Desolation Row is a state of mind necessary to fill out the spectrum of emotion which allows for joy, and while that doesn’t mean you should revel in unpleasant experiences and pain, hopefully they hels remind you to see things for what they are-

of this life, this Earth-

of yr heart.


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